there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
