You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
