whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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