Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
