Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
