Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
