This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
