this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
