Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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