and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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