they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
