NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
