nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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