Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
