sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
