I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
