matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
