I wish my penis had an off switch
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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