you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
