you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
