i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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