I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
