I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
