he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
