I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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