hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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