So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Panties = found
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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