Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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