shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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