Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
