Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
