Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
