K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wannas sexs uuuuu
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
