I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
