Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
