Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
