My balls are so social today.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
