She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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