they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
