video games are the ultimate cock blocker
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
