Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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