Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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