tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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