I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
