Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
