Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
