never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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