cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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