I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
whose parrot is this?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
