During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
