omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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