Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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