I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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