I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
