Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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