I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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