You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
