Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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