I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
